Stephanie was a great kid. In high school she had done well academically. Not perfect but good enough to be accepted by several colleges. Her parents had stressed either extracurricular activities or having a job and she had done both. While she was never clear on what she wanted to do with her life, her parents felt confident that she just needed some time. They anticipated that she would gain a sense of direction in college and from there she would blossom into adulthood.
It didn't work out that way.
At 19 years old Stephanie withdraw during the spring semester for "medical reasons." In her case, medical reasons meant she had spent much of her first year of college socializing, going to parties and drinking. After having been put on academic probation, Stephanie was confronted by her parents. She had promised to do better but nothing changed. She returned home depressed, angry and directionless.
This problem has become more and more common in recent years. Opinions vary on why, some blame alcohol or drugs and the new freedom youth experience in college. Others will talk about the depression experienced when separating from the family or emergence of other mental health issues common in young adulthood. There is, though, another set of issues that are often overlooked.
There are those children and adolescents who learn at an early age to comply. They want to please their parents and it's easier to "go along to get along" so they learn to meet the expectations of others. When the youth enters college and the structure of home and family is removed these youth have no internal sense of direction to guild them. Unfortunately, when parents attempt to intervene their efforts simply alienate the youth. As the crisis unfolds the young person experiences a complete loss of her or his ability to set and accomplish any goals. The parents become frustrated and start to question their ability as parents.
One parent put it best when he said, "What am I supposed to do? If I let go her life will be ruined before it starts. But every time I say something I just make things worse. What Do I Do?" For families facing this issue the only answer can be to seek assistance. But in seeking assistance look for those who understand the complexities of the situation. In consulting, my work often involves coordinating with other professionals to ensure all issues are identified and addressed appropriately. Proper treatment can mean the difference between a transitional issue or a life long problem.
John
It didn't work out that way.
At 19 years old Stephanie withdraw during the spring semester for "medical reasons." In her case, medical reasons meant she had spent much of her first year of college socializing, going to parties and drinking. After having been put on academic probation, Stephanie was confronted by her parents. She had promised to do better but nothing changed. She returned home depressed, angry and directionless.
This problem has become more and more common in recent years. Opinions vary on why, some blame alcohol or drugs and the new freedom youth experience in college. Others will talk about the depression experienced when separating from the family or emergence of other mental health issues common in young adulthood. There is, though, another set of issues that are often overlooked.
There are those children and adolescents who learn at an early age to comply. They want to please their parents and it's easier to "go along to get along" so they learn to meet the expectations of others. When the youth enters college and the structure of home and family is removed these youth have no internal sense of direction to guild them. Unfortunately, when parents attempt to intervene their efforts simply alienate the youth. As the crisis unfolds the young person experiences a complete loss of her or his ability to set and accomplish any goals. The parents become frustrated and start to question their ability as parents.
One parent put it best when he said, "What am I supposed to do? If I let go her life will be ruined before it starts. But every time I say something I just make things worse. What Do I Do?" For families facing this issue the only answer can be to seek assistance. But in seeking assistance look for those who understand the complexities of the situation. In consulting, my work often involves coordinating with other professionals to ensure all issues are identified and addressed appropriately. Proper treatment can mean the difference between a transitional issue or a life long problem.
John
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