The young man was clearly upset. One of his coworkers had given him some feedback that had greatly offended him.. I overheard the comment and, while it was blunt, it wasn’t anything that offensive. The supervisor tried to intervene saying, “Now, Mike, you have to understand …” The young man immediately interrupted, blurting out, “I don’t have to understand anything! You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Needless to say, we all cringed at that moment and hoped the supervisor was in a forgiving mood. (She was.)
What was interesting about the interaction wasn’t that the youth became upset but how quickly he snapped at his boss and the intensity of the feelings. His response didn’t the events. So where did all this emotional energy come from?
More times than most of us would care to admit, how we respond to a situation has little to do with what happened. Instead how we interpret the event is determined by what we think and believe. For a variety of reasons the young man above believed that direct feedback meant that he was being permanently rejected by his peers. While he was totally unconscious of this at the time, that one bit of feedback touched a nerve that sent him into an emotional meltdown. The good news is that with a little bit of counseling he not only resolved the issue but made major positive changes in his life.
The first few years of recovery are often filled with the baggage from our past. During this time period one of our major goals is to identify and resolve these items. Many of these are dealt with through meetings attendance, work with a sponsor and the steps. The most difficult, though, are the ones like this young man experienced that are powerful, deep and experienced as justified.
Much of the work I do in counseling deals with these resistant beliefs and feelings. They are often the ones that stand in the way of successful recovery. If you are having problems in this area, please take advantage of the free consultation sessions mentioned on the home page. Sometimes a short talk is all it takes to get things back on the right track.
John
What was interesting about the interaction wasn’t that the youth became upset but how quickly he snapped at his boss and the intensity of the feelings. His response didn’t the events. So where did all this emotional energy come from?
More times than most of us would care to admit, how we respond to a situation has little to do with what happened. Instead how we interpret the event is determined by what we think and believe. For a variety of reasons the young man above believed that direct feedback meant that he was being permanently rejected by his peers. While he was totally unconscious of this at the time, that one bit of feedback touched a nerve that sent him into an emotional meltdown. The good news is that with a little bit of counseling he not only resolved the issue but made major positive changes in his life.
The first few years of recovery are often filled with the baggage from our past. During this time period one of our major goals is to identify and resolve these items. Many of these are dealt with through meetings attendance, work with a sponsor and the steps. The most difficult, though, are the ones like this young man experienced that are powerful, deep and experienced as justified.
Much of the work I do in counseling deals with these resistant beliefs and feelings. They are often the ones that stand in the way of successful recovery. If you are having problems in this area, please take advantage of the free consultation sessions mentioned on the home page. Sometimes a short talk is all it takes to get things back on the right track.
John
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