It's that time of year again. Time to get prepared to swear off, commit to, resolve that or in some other way declare that next year we will somehow be better people than we were in the last. New Year’s resolutions are a standard part of the yearly cycle where we are encouraged to make a commitment that in all probability we won’t keep. Yet we don’t give up. There seems to be an instinctive part of us that strives for that higher self and finds it difficult to settle for the status quo.
Last year we talked about having clear cut realistic goals as well as the need to guard against saying “to hell with it” and giving up. This is a powerful and simple strategy that works. So why, then, even when we have the tools needed do some of us still struggle?
A common challenge that some face is what can best be described as defeat by review and reflection. Similar to the “to hell with it” effect, mentally the person reviews all the times they’ve tried to change, reflect on previous poor results and then feels defeated and gives up. This usually doesn’t occur as a conscious thought but as a nagging feeling. As one person told me, “I keep thinking this is stupid, that this will never work.” In that frame of mind it almost easy to “try” rather than succeed.
So, what’s the solution?
First, turn feelings into thoughts and words. Instead of calling something stupid, we describe the life experiences that caused us to come to that conclusion. We talk about the left over feelings from previous attempts to change. We break that overwhelming “stupid” feeling down to the component parts that can then be easily dealt with.
Second, we realize that struggle is a sign of growth. In life we were challenged when we learned to talk, ride a bicycle and to read. Each of these was frustrating but our desire to expand our horizons gave us the energy to push past each new step to master the skill.
Finally, develop a healthy support system. Learning to talk is easy when you’re surrounded by those who already do and are willing to teach you. The same idea applies to riding a bicycle, learning to read and just about every other task in life. Fill your life with those who have achieved positive change and are willing to share their experience and support.
So start getting ready for the New Year. Set your goals, build your support system and create an attitude of facing challenges. If you hit an issue that seems particularly resistant to change, reach out for counseling or therapy. Because ultimately you are getting prepared for creating the best possible version of you.
John
Last year we talked about having clear cut realistic goals as well as the need to guard against saying “to hell with it” and giving up. This is a powerful and simple strategy that works. So why, then, even when we have the tools needed do some of us still struggle?
A common challenge that some face is what can best be described as defeat by review and reflection. Similar to the “to hell with it” effect, mentally the person reviews all the times they’ve tried to change, reflect on previous poor results and then feels defeated and gives up. This usually doesn’t occur as a conscious thought but as a nagging feeling. As one person told me, “I keep thinking this is stupid, that this will never work.” In that frame of mind it almost easy to “try” rather than succeed.
So, what’s the solution?
First, turn feelings into thoughts and words. Instead of calling something stupid, we describe the life experiences that caused us to come to that conclusion. We talk about the left over feelings from previous attempts to change. We break that overwhelming “stupid” feeling down to the component parts that can then be easily dealt with.
Second, we realize that struggle is a sign of growth. In life we were challenged when we learned to talk, ride a bicycle and to read. Each of these was frustrating but our desire to expand our horizons gave us the energy to push past each new step to master the skill.
Finally, develop a healthy support system. Learning to talk is easy when you’re surrounded by those who already do and are willing to teach you. The same idea applies to riding a bicycle, learning to read and just about every other task in life. Fill your life with those who have achieved positive change and are willing to share their experience and support.
So start getting ready for the New Year. Set your goals, build your support system and create an attitude of facing challenges. If you hit an issue that seems particularly resistant to change, reach out for counseling or therapy. Because ultimately you are getting prepared for creating the best possible version of you.
John
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