A mother called me regarding her son. He was in trouble. He’d done this before she explained and she is trying to figure out how to help. We discussed substance abuse, addictive behavior and the predictable patterns of relapse. She was surprised by how the descriptions, comparing them to her son’s own behavior.
She talked about all the things she’s tried before and how they failed. I suggested treatment and we talked at length about the benefits. She mentioned that they’d sought help before and recounts problems that they’d encountered. These were common experiences and easily dealt with. They just needed the right facility. In order to determine the best facility I ask her how old her son is.
He’s 56
Then she explains that she’s in her 80s
Through the traumas that occurred early on in her son’s addiction a pattern of crisis and rescue was established. These behaviors became so firmly entrenched that the mother lost all perspective of her son’s behavior or her own. Their interactions were those of an 18 year old and his 40-something mother in the normal struggles of a youth coming of age. This conflict and all the crises that followed had robbed them of close to 3 decades of their lives.
Recovery for the family is about learning how to raise our consciousness, to see the world as it is, not as how we have been conditioned to see it. The steps help us regain a perspective on our choices and the role we’ve played in the addiction cycle. The hardest action for any family member to take that first step, to decide that the problem is not the addict but our own reactions, feelings and lack of clear boundaries. But it is in that very moment that we regain our lives and our freedom.
John
She talked about all the things she’s tried before and how they failed. I suggested treatment and we talked at length about the benefits. She mentioned that they’d sought help before and recounts problems that they’d encountered. These were common experiences and easily dealt with. They just needed the right facility. In order to determine the best facility I ask her how old her son is.
He’s 56
Then she explains that she’s in her 80s
Through the traumas that occurred early on in her son’s addiction a pattern of crisis and rescue was established. These behaviors became so firmly entrenched that the mother lost all perspective of her son’s behavior or her own. Their interactions were those of an 18 year old and his 40-something mother in the normal struggles of a youth coming of age. This conflict and all the crises that followed had robbed them of close to 3 decades of their lives.
Recovery for the family is about learning how to raise our consciousness, to see the world as it is, not as how we have been conditioned to see it. The steps help us regain a perspective on our choices and the role we’ve played in the addiction cycle. The hardest action for any family member to take that first step, to decide that the problem is not the addict but our own reactions, feelings and lack of clear boundaries. But it is in that very moment that we regain our lives and our freedom.
John
RSS Feed