We’ve all heard that “resentments are the number one offender” and experience has shown that they are indeed a guaranteed way to derail one’s recovery. How many times have any of us brought up the wrong topic to someone and then watched their personality shift? Why is it that just a few words or the presence of a person can reduce an otherwise intelligent healthy individual to a raging “hot mess”?
Anger is a primitive feeling that is core to the survival of the species. When a primitive person was threatened the fight response was triggered. Blood would collect in the lungs and heart, gathering oxygen for the upcoming fight. Breathing would quicken. Adrenalin and cortisol would be released in the blood. The adrenalin to provide an extra boost of energy and cortisol to increase blood sugar for the body to burn. At this moment the brain becomes focused on destroying the threat. This is a semi-psychotic state where the individual becomes completely focused on destroying the threat.
Unfortunately for modern humans, while we seldom are threatened by wild animals the fight response remains with us. When we feel somehow threatened, whether real or perceived, this primitive response can be triggered. Our body responds as if we have just come across a lion in the wild. Our thinking, rather than the rational process it normally is, suddenly treats this as a threat to our very survival. We rage against the car that just cut us off, the coworker with different political views or the evening news. And we truly believe that they are the ones who need to change.
So how do we break this reaction? How do we get back on track? As with all things in recovery, we first have to acknowledge that our resentments are our problems and no one else’s. For us to be happy we must change. Meditation, the practicing of quieting one’s mind and body, is a second powerful strategy. If we develop this as our default reaction to resentment then we will practice calming the fires rather than building them. Finally, we have to stick with winners. For success in our recovery we must have people who support positive change and will challenge us when we blame others for our feelings. While dealing with resentment can require much more action, these are wonderful places to start.
John
Anger is a primitive feeling that is core to the survival of the species. When a primitive person was threatened the fight response was triggered. Blood would collect in the lungs and heart, gathering oxygen for the upcoming fight. Breathing would quicken. Adrenalin and cortisol would be released in the blood. The adrenalin to provide an extra boost of energy and cortisol to increase blood sugar for the body to burn. At this moment the brain becomes focused on destroying the threat. This is a semi-psychotic state where the individual becomes completely focused on destroying the threat.
Unfortunately for modern humans, while we seldom are threatened by wild animals the fight response remains with us. When we feel somehow threatened, whether real or perceived, this primitive response can be triggered. Our body responds as if we have just come across a lion in the wild. Our thinking, rather than the rational process it normally is, suddenly treats this as a threat to our very survival. We rage against the car that just cut us off, the coworker with different political views or the evening news. And we truly believe that they are the ones who need to change.
So how do we break this reaction? How do we get back on track? As with all things in recovery, we first have to acknowledge that our resentments are our problems and no one else’s. For us to be happy we must change. Meditation, the practicing of quieting one’s mind and body, is a second powerful strategy. If we develop this as our default reaction to resentment then we will practice calming the fires rather than building them. Finally, we have to stick with winners. For success in our recovery we must have people who support positive change and will challenge us when we blame others for our feelings. While dealing with resentment can require much more action, these are wonderful places to start.
John
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